Of Carrying Lots of Stuff and Chivalry

Remember when I changed my tagline to allow for musings? This is a musing. It’s based on real life, though I won’t name names. It’s a haphazard musing, as my musings tend to me, so consider yourself warned. Some of my readers may recognize this situation, as a few of them have been through it with me several times over.

The “rules” of chivalry say that it is chivalrous to carry stuff for ladies. Okay, simple enough. I can do that.

(Side note: I’m not writing this post to discuss what the rules of chivalry are, what they should be, or even if they should be followed. I’m writing this because I want to be chivalrous, and this is a point I wanted to ponder.)

Where my question comes from is my profession of filmmaking. As somebody who is used to one-man shoots, I don’t even think twice about loading up with all four or five bags and cases I need to tote along. It’s something I learned to do out of necessity.

Here’s my question. Am I being chivalrous when I’m filmmaking with a young lady (which I often do), and partially ’cause it’s automatic now, and partially ’cause I want to honor her by being chivalrous, I proceed to pile everything on and set off?

And then she asks, “Is there something I can carry?”

Now, is it more chivalrous to say, “I’ve got it, thanks,” or, “Sure, carry this,”?

It’s always been a bit of a puzzle for me, since the very goal of chivalry, to me, is to honor ladies by serving them. And I never quite know how that particular question is expected to be answered. Which answer serves the lady in question more? Or are both equally fine?

I go for the latter answer. I figure that she asked, so it’s okay to hand something over. Now that I’m analyzing my response, I think I do it because to me, it feels prideful and dishonoring to refuse to allow her to help.

Do I pick the “right” answer? What do you think?

By the way, to those readers who do recognize this situation… Don’t take this as a request for you to change your actions. I’m just pondering the question.

(This is my 100th post!)


One thought on “Of Carrying Lots of Stuff and Chivalry

  1. I wouldn’t be hurt either way. If you’ve already suited up, and you actually can carry all that stuff, I’m not going to feel bad if you refuse my help. I (hypothetically speaking) wanted to ask out of courtesy; if you don’t need my help, that’s fine.

    However, if you’re not sure you actually can carry everything, it’s better to hand something over. Because if you try to carry too much in an attempt to be manly and end up dropping it, you’re going to get the eye roll. 😉

    But I asked if you wanted help, and I meant that, so if you want to hand something over, I’m happy to help. Overall, I don’t think it’s a big deal either way. Certainly if you make a habit of carrying everything, that would be chivalrous.

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