The Story of a Monarch Caterpillar in Modern English

(Dear reader, if you’ve been following my blog because you enjoy my writing style, I advise you to skip this post. And if you have any aversion to netspeak or a weak stomach, definitely skip this post. But if you have a weird sense of humor, do read on.)

So this egg is on a leaf k? And then like the egg hatches. There’s a caterpillar now and he’s like Im so hungry Im gonna die!

So next he’s like eating all the leaves he can find going om nom nom nom nom. And he keeps going om nom nom nom nom on the leaves and gets more and more ginormous.

Then he’s like wow Im so fat i think ill sleep so he crawls up high and hangs down like a j. Then he turns into a chrysalis. That’s like you know a little bed.

Then there’s like a week and suddenly the chrysalis turns black. The caterpillar wakes up and goes like whoa I’ve been asleep for way too long and I’m late.

He sticks his head out and looks and sees he’s not a caterpillar anymore no he’s something else. W00t Im a butterfly he says and flies off to do whatever butterflies do. The end.

(Okay, I didn’t know I could write something like that. I don’t anticipate it becoming my normal style, but I thought it was funny… Kind of a sarcastic rant commenting on the state of English in our society.)


3 thoughts on “The Story of a Monarch Caterpillar in Modern English

  1. Oh, for pity’s sake, Jordan, if you’re going to write in netspeak do it correctly! You need to drop ALL of your apostrophes (not just half of them), and capitalization is NOT ALLOWED. You also use way too much punctuation. Clearly you are too educated to pull this off. Please, spare us and stop faking it.

    *dies laughing* That was hilarious, Jordan. 🙂

    • I did go back and forth on how poor I should make the writing style. It was a little bit difficult to decide what to drop. However, I felt that randomly leaving in apostrophes and capitalization helped to portray the sporadic nature of punctuation in the common netspeaker.

      You know, they tend to write a lot without any attention to grammar rules, and then notice that they really ought to punctuate, so they follow a couple common rules for the next three words, find it too difficult on their poor fingers, revert, etc.

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